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By Andrew: Posted 12/21/05 4:47pm EST

I Hope You Like Art, Dinosaurs, and Cock as Much as I Do

I’ve done it again! As an intrepid connoisseur of the obscure fine arts, I have ferreted out another delicious Junior Mint from beneath the couch cushions of artistic anonymity. The name is Chris Sawyer, and the game is immaculately rendered, anatomically exquisite male humanoid animals. Sometimes this is called “anthro-art”, but I don’t care where you’re from, I call it a God damned gift from heaven.

Now please be aware, some of the below images may be very mildly not safe for work. But if you ask me, any boss that would frown on his employees viewing these masterpieces is not worthy of the privilege of your service. If my boss told me to stop looking at this stuff, I’d storm into his office and toss the Pink Dildo of Resignation onto his lap. I’d say with a sneer, “Yeah, your wife knows all about THAT.” While he ponders to himself whether I was implying that he has trouble satisfying his wife, or that I’m having an affair with her, I’m already long gone, and pulling up a chair to some sweet Chris Motherfuckin’ Sawyer art! Let’s have a look.

These fellas sure know how to have a good time! Fun, camaraderie, friendly spirit, brotherhood, these are all things that simply ooze from Sawyer’s pencil. I’m glad this is the first one we’re looking at. It will give us all the very apt impression that Sawyer’s work is dominated by themes of wholesome, lighthearted fun. Jesus, a blacksmith could pound a horseshoe on those buttocks.

This is a drawing of a caveman fucking a dinosaur. Sawyer thinks of everything. Clearly he doesn’t have live references to draw from, so his imagination is working overtime, calculating that the tail would be convenient for a boost in leverage, and even the type of expression a dinosaur hopelessly arrested by lust might make. It was nice of him to suspend, I’m sure, his natural disgust with the content long enough to broadcast this to us so accurately and lovingly. I have taken it upon myself to name this piece “Velocirapture”.

But to be honest, the inclusion of a real human is abnormal to Sawyer’s work. Most feature anthro-on-anthro action, and by “action” I simply mean stellar craftsmanship and attention to form and line. Some people might have thought “action” means sexual content, and I’d right here, right now like to dispel that unfair generalization. Anyway, here is a saber tooth tiger-man rogering the living fuck out of a huge T-rex. Their faces let us know they share a moment of tender ecstasy, and help us feel it too. The gender of the dinosaur is unclear. I suppose it conceivably could be a female. Don’t count on it though.

His work is not exclusively dinosaur-themed. Works of other splendid anthro specimens are plentiful. Here is a sensational, buff lion man with Harry Potter frames. His confidence is charming and infectious. You’d need a pick and a piton to climb those mountainous biceps. The saucy garter is a nice touch, too.

I blurred out the best part though, and I really don’t want you to miss it. The guy is hung like shirts at a Korean cleaners. Very well. To reduce suspicion of people who may be glancing over your shoulder, I have superimposed the phallus over a picture of famous actress Alfre Woodard. Now if anyone’s wondering, you’re not looking at dicks, you’re just brushing up on the stars.

I don’t know how he does it. This nonchalant stallion pumping some serious iron with his wang vaulting out of his speedos; it’s simply scratching that itch for daring, mesmerizing content. You know what I’m talking about.

And again, for the sake of decency and decorum beyond the call of duty, I have overlapped the questionable region with a picture of TV superstar Jim Belushi.

And finally, here is a smorgasbord of the main course: egregious cock. Really, why trifle with such superfluous dalliances like content, character, composition, etc. It’s just so extraneous when this here is the very true, unfiltered essence of Sawyer. Really it’s a puzzle to me why so much erotic anthro art out there happens to be gay (oh, and I’ve seen A LOT of erotic anthro art). Maybe the logic is, if you’re going to embrace some form of sexual aberration, you might as well go all out.

For your benefit, I’ve merged this penis-palette with a Garfield comic strip. It strikes me as actually a considerable improvement to the strip, and really has served to deface the material only a little less than Jim Davis has personally done through decades of over-marketing.

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